Today, I had a productive day as a janitor which made me realize that I appreciate my free time even more because of the grind my job puts me through.
It’s kind of like a you can’t have light without the darkness type of thing.
Even though I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I say that because I have been thinking that loving God is like loving a woman who cheats on you, runs up a tab on your credit card and hits you and then calls the cops on you.
Makes me sad just thinking about it because it feels like I have put in more into the relationship and in the end am to blame because of it.
I guess I have to take the blame because I should just leave this toxic relationship but a voice inside my head tells me that I should stay, even though my heart isn’t in the relationship anymore.
I see a parallel between my relationship with God and my affiliate marketing journey.
Like God affiliate marketing hasn’t been good to me the past couple of years.
I get hundreds of clicks every day to my links and no sales.
It makes me think either someone hacked me, the government is out to get me, and/or God just plain hates me and wants to see me tear my hair out.
Like I said I am super disheartened and disappointed.
Why would a good God be so unkind? Why would a good God be so unfair? Why would a good God be such a bad father?
These aren’t rhetorical questions, I have had many answers to these questions.
Most recently my dad answered to me in the comments of the video below.
He said that I am asking with wrong motives. That God is sovereign and that He knows the future and wants what is best for us.
Maybe he’s right…
I am asking because I want to get rich. I am asking someone who can’t be bartered with. And I am asking a timeless being for something in a timely manner.
But yet my prayers remain unanswered and I feel abandoned by God. Something I fear Jesus and I have had happen to us both.
God, why have you forsaken me?
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